Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
