I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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