In the future we'll all be gay
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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