Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
