The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
