covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
