he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize