i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I puked a lego.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
