I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
