i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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