So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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