Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
