break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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