Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
