tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
