Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
