She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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