Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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