Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
