im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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