Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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