Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
