fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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