I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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