Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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