I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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