apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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