I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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