She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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