if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
