i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
