My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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