I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
