If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
