Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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