Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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