I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
