i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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