what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
no you cant smoke seaweed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
