i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
