i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
