i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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