Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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