Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
