if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
