1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
