What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
