im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
