worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize