Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
