I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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