that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize