It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
