what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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