how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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