I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
