Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
