I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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