Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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