Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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