the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
