Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
