you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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