What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
