Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You're like the curious george of whores
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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