I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
