I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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