I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
