I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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