Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
