what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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