you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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