oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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