Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
