he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
