Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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