He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
