I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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