So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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