dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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