if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
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