____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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