Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
