ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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