ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
