Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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