no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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