3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
