my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
