Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
