My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
