remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
