I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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