3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
